Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.

I hope that I will never have to have a heart transplant. That's it. It's that simple. It completely scares the crap out of me just thinking about it. I hope that my pacemaker will continue to do it's job for years to come. I hope that my heart will continue to respond to it's efforts. I don't look fondly on the alternative option. Some might think that it would be a great solution that a new heart would fix all of the problems. But, I see obstacles. One being my lungs. I have radiation damage that have affected my lungs and one would have to wonder how you could recover from a heart transplant with bad lungs. The second being my lack of antibodies. My allergist/immunologist lovingly calls me a "partial responder." I don't have enough antibodies to fight of infections quickly and efficiently. Again, I would think that would be a crucial part of recovering from such a major medical procedure. So those are my first concerns. I also wonder what it would be like if I do have to be put on the list. Would it happen quickly? How far down on the list would I be? Would I have to be dying in a hospital bed before it were to happen for me? These things frighten me! The last thing is I'm sure a huge worry for anyone that would be faced with a heart transplant and that is, rejection. That would most likely be a terminal outcome and definitely a risk. This is does not way on my mind every day, but it is always tucked away in the corner and shows itself often. So, I hope it never comes to be.